A Sacrifice of Praise

This Journey is a series of surprising events. Do you ever just sit and think, "What are you DOING God?!" Of course you do, we all do. Two and a half months ago we heard that a file was being started. It could be a six month wait. We had already been waiting 7 months to receive a file...what's six more? A LOT! That very first week, through a series of strange facebook connections, I started following and participating in the journey of a little girl brought home from China this summer. She had a similar condition to the little girl whose file we were waiting for and I felt a huge connection to her. As I led a Bible study and read books on focusing on God's character in prayer, my faith muscles were stretched and built up. It was a long two months, but the little sweetie came home on November 17!
A few days before she came home, we got word that another sweet little girl, home from China just two weeks, whom we had met one week prior in Wisconsin, was clinging for dear life. She literally flatlined and coded at the hospital. I was shocked, but knew God was giving me another little one to focus my prayers on.
Thankfully, today, she is out of the ICU, but she is not out of the hospital. We are praying for complete recovery in her brain, which was affected by all the trauma she experienced in her brief illness.
The same day we heard about the little girl in Wisconsin, we got word that a sweet friend Larry and I had worked camp together (the summer that we met) was asking for prayers for his young wife and mother to his four children. She was just diagnosed with stage 3 Hodgkin's lymphoma. Today her white blood count was too low for chemo.

In each of these three difficult situations, my friends have offered up a sacrifice of praise! Something I have been blessed to do during this difficult waiting season, but some days, a thing I do not do so well. The Scriptures tell us that God INHABITS the praises of his people. That's where he lives. So if that is where he wants to dwell, I better starting making a home for him.

As you prepare your homes for a Thanksgiving feast, take some time to prepare your hearts as well. Beyond our families, homes, food, and first world luxuries, what can you praise God for this Thanksgiving?

The end is in sight

We wanted to give a quick update on our adoption process since it has been awhile since we posted. To date we have been in process with this adoption for almost 14 months. Truly, we thought we would be home with our daughter by now, living a whole new normal. Turns out God's story for us was different than we had imagined (surprise surprise) but it is so good.

Finding "the One"

For those who do not know, we have been logged in to China's system for almost 7 months now. This means that we could have been receiving files to review and hopefully be matched with our daughter for the last 7 months. Surprisingly, this has not been the case. At the end of April we discovered a beautiful little girl's picture on a page that features orphans being cared for in a special medical foster home. We had our "SHE'S THE ONE" moment and began a journey of Faith like I have not experienced in a very long time. Here's the catch. Because of her medical condition, her file had not even been started yet.

Where are we now?

We were able to receive news in the last few weeks that her file IS BEING STARTED in September (Happy Birthday to Larry and Me) but there is another catch. It COULD take 6 MORE months for us to receive her file, and then it will take another two, typically, before we can travel. Have mercy.:)

In the past we have prayed for a timeline, but truly, I am praying God's will be done. His timing is so very perfect. His plans are so very good. I trust him completely. We are blessed to know that she is in a wonderful care facility where she is on the road to healing everyday. This makes it so much easier to wait. For many families waiting to bring their children home, the experience is quite the opposite.

So here is what we are doing in the meantime:

1. We continue to finish renovations on our house. Larry's time is very limited and he (and his band of merry men from time to time) are doing an amazing job slowly finishing things room by room.

2. We continue to pray and trust God's timing, and to prepare the girls for a new sister. Everyday that goes by I see a new level of maturity and responsibility in our daughters, and I know this is an answer to our prayers. Time may have been the only way for God to answer our concerns about the transition of a new sibling into our home.

3. We continue to prepare our finances. We are approximately $6,000 away from meeting our goal. We have taken a big, long break from fundraising, but now that there is an end in sight, some of that fundraising may resume again over the next few months.

During this interesting journey toward our daughter I have truly discovered what it means to be JOYFUL IN HOPE, patient in affliction and FAITHFUL IN PRAYER. My heart wants to burst as I think of each one of you who have carried us in prayer, supported us with good words, cards and inquiries about our progress, who have given relentlessly towards our monetary needs to help bring this precious child of God into a forever family. There is nothing on earth like the Body of Christ. We are a force to be reckoned with.

Adoption Hormones

Are there such things as adoption hormones? I would like to know because some days and even weeks can go by and I am doing just fine, and then other days, like today, I feel a little teary and long to call her mine.

Do I trust God's timing? Absolutely! Do I believe he is working behind the scenes...all for the good of everyone involved? Yes! Do I still LONG to hear something from China? Desperately. Recently God led me to study in depth the passage in Matthew about the Faith that moves mountains. During this time, a fellow Lifeline China mom was selling an awesome t-shirt with this phrase on it: "Move Mountains!" I was so thrilled to receive mine a few weeks ago and love wearing it as it reminds me that it is not about how much faith I have but WHO my faith is in. Who do I say that God is? The day I received the t-shirt I wrote these words in my journal:

But it is almost as if I cannot help but believe that God really is moving mountains. That WE are moving mountains with faith as small as a mustard seed. The mountains of paperwork and paperwork delays. The mountains of Chinese culture and government norms. The mountains of timelines that create fear of provision.

Jesus. Do I believe in you, or in what you will do? I believe you are sovereign. I believe you care about me and about "Little Sister" and our family and our well-being. I believe you are provider. I believe you are all-knowing and all-powerful. I believe you are healer. I believe you are the WAY MAKER! Good Father, sweet Jesus, make a way straight through the desert of waiting and bring us to the streams of mercy. I believe in you. I believe YOU. I will not thirst in this wasteland of waiting. You love me with an everlasting love. You are making all things new and beautiful in your time. I believe you are working ALL THINGS FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE YOU AND HAVE BEEN CALLED ACCORDING TO YOUR PURPOSE. That’s us. So do it. Satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love…satisfy me all day long. Be my portion.

I have now been "adoption pregnant" for almost 13 months! That is 4 trimesters, friends, and as long as an orca whale!;) The process is different, the wait is different. And God is good. While we trust in his perfect timing, we are learning that there is something to a faith-filled prayer; something to PARTNERING with his Spirit to move mountains. I feel a pressing in my spirit to pray for this little one's file to come to us in September (Happy Birthday to me and Larry), with the possibility of us travelling in November. We have seen God's hand ALL over our staying in Louisville this summer and are so grateful for the more pleasant temperatures and better airfare that November will have to offer. We also feel incredibly blessed to have been home for our church's VBS and to enjoy all the college students and new couples who have joined our Sunday Morning Bible study! We are thankful for the extra time to have as a family of 4, and for the extra rest and time to work on house projects. It will be such a blessing to have a sense of "settled" before bringing her home. We sure would love to have her home for the holidays...

So we would love to have your prayers, joined with ours, lifted up to the Father, offered in the Spirit who intercedes on our behalf. Pray that her paperwork is moved through at record speed and that NOTHING hinders her file coming into OUR hands in the next 8 weeks, to the praise of His glorious Name!

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

"Who Knows?"

When I came out to my blog today I was surprised to see that the last time I published a post was on April 25th, not because that was almost two months ago, but because that evening we stumbled upon a picture of a precious orphan girl in China that we hope will be ours one day.

People are always asking us how things are going and what's new. I had a timeline in my head that moved a little faster than the actual timeline for our journey, so I want to have something to tell them! "We're still waiting," may be a satisfactory response for many, but it is not for me. I want something to be HAPPENING!!! In the physical world, and to the "untrained eye," nothing is going on. There is no news from China. Fifteen files made their way, finally, from partnership orphanages, and all but one were boys. It's been 4 months. We hear nothing, we see nothing, we know nothing...in the physical world.

But in the spiritual world, whole battles are being fought, plans are being made and executed, our daughter is being healed of physical ailments, she is being taught and is growing and is learning to be loved and to love. People are moving into her world that will carry out the Lord's goodness. In this world we say, "Who knows?" In this world we even say, "Only God knows!" But in the spiritual world, in my world that is built on foundations of faith that cannot be shaken, "I know!"

In the last several weeks since we came across this sweet girl's photo, learned she is from one of our partnership orphanages, learned that she had surgery and were blessed to storm the gates of heaven for her recovery, God has answered my prayers that faith would ARISE! He has strengthened my "faith muscles," because each leg of this adoption journey requires a little bit more. He is making us "mature and complete" as we "suffer" through the wait. We have learned to trust in HIM, not conditionally, but wholly. And do you know what amazing thing has happened? I am not just "surviving" the wait, I am thriving!! God has filled my heart with peace and, get this, JOY!! I am so confident in the goodness of my God and his love for me, and the perfection of all of his ways, that I am nearly giddy. Faith is a beautiful free fall.

This morning I was led to one of my favorite passages that the Holy Spirit spoke afresh to me again.



We are sure that that which we hope for and do not see going on in our adoption process, is indeed being worked out to perfection by our Jehovah Nissi. Jehovah Nissi means, "The Lord is my Banner!" It is the assured victory that God promises as we look to him, high and lifted up over the battlefield of our life! As we battle timelines, lack of information, the need for any post-operative complications to be completely resolved, for our daughter to be seen so that her file will be pushed through the system at record speed, we call on the name of the Lord our Banner for the miraculous victory!

If you too, in your spirit, believe God for this miracle in our lives, we ask that you partner with us in prayer. We believe God wants to blow our minds with his provision.

As Joel 2:14 says, "WHO KNOWS...he may leave behind a blessing..."

I know.

Two week fundraising Blitz!!

It is "Purple season" in my garden. My favorite time of the year when every flower in bloom is bursting forth in my favorite royal shade! Irises, lilac, cockle shells and butterfly bushes adorn our front yard. That also means it is Derby season here in Louisville. In two short weeks we will host the most famous two minutes in sports history, and in a rare occurrence, we will celebrate Mother's Day on the very same weekend!!

With all the hullabaloo of Spring Festivities going on, we thought it a perfect time for a fundraising blitz!! MOTHER'S DAY, MAY 8TH is the deadline for TWO of our three big fundraisers happening in May, and the deadline is just TWO short weeks away! The first of these fundraisers is a matching grant, and the second is our second round of t-shirt sales. Please see the flyer below for a brief overview of all three of our May fundraisers. The letter that follows will let you know how you can donate to our matching grant and receive a tax deduction! Some brief details concerning t-shirts and the yard sale can be found at the end of this post. Thanks for reading, praying and giving!!

                                                                                                                                                           

Dear Friends and Family,

It is hard to believe it has been nearly a year since God first pricked our hearts to adopt from China. What a whirlwind journey this has been, and we are now in the final stages of our adoption process. Many of you have been journeying with us and supporting us with your prayers, encouragement and finances since August of last year, when we began our home study process and started compiling our dossier (important paperwork, fingerprints and clearances required to adopt from China). We needed to raise $14,000 just to get logged in to China’s system in order to be matched with our daughter, and through multiple fundraisers that you supported, we met our goal! We cannot

thank you enough!

In these final months of our adoption process we are still in need of prayer:

1. Please pray that we would continue to trust God in the waiting as he orchestrates his perfect plan. We have been waiting 12 weeks to be matched with our daughter and this waiting is very hard. We are dying to see her face and know who she is!

2. Please pray that our process continues to go as smoothly as it has gone already. We are preparing to enter the final phase of paperwork after we are matched.

3. During this last “leg” of our race to China, please pray as we also need to raise the remaining needed funds, which total $17,000! These final expenses will cover the final agency fee, all the costs associated with two weeks of travel in China, and the remaining fees associated with paperwork for our daughter like visas, official costs in China, etc.

We are excited to share that we have received a matching grant for $3,500 from LifeSong for Orphans with a donation from     Orphan Care Alliance. If you are interested and able to donate toward our adoption expenses, this is a great opportunity because every penny you donate will go directly to our personal adoption fund. All donations are Tax Deductible AND the first $3,500 will be matched through the grant organization!! Individual donations of $50 or more and yearly donations totaling $250 or more will receive a tax-deductible receipt. Receipts for donations under $50 will gladly be sent upon request.

Once we have met our matching goal of $3, 500 our friends and family are able to keep giving and receive the tax deduction until we reach our total goal of $17, 000!

We would like to meet our Matching Grant goal of $3,500 by Mother’s Day, May 8^th!

Please make checks payable to “Lifesong for Orphans.” In the memo, note family account number 5907 and family name:     Secrest to assure it goes to the correct account. Please mail to:

Lifesong for Orphans, PO Box 40, Gridley, IL 61744.

You may also give online with a 3% processing fee at www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate. Select “Give to an Adoptive    Family.” Complete the online form and fill in the fields: Family Account Number, 5907 and Family Name, Secrest.

We thank you for your continued prayers and support. We cannot wait to share our joy with you as we see her face, receive approval to adopt her, and then finally bring her home!

Family Name: Secrest

Family Account Number: 5907

                                                                                                                         In Christ,

The Secrest Family

     Larry, Kasie, Mackenzie and Olivia

Our adoption t-shirts are made of super soft cotton and fit a little closely to the body, but true-to-size. Shirts are $20 plus $5 shipping per shirt if you are out of town. We hope to sell at least 25 shirts that remind us that though the number of orphans in the world is mind-blowing, it makes a difference to love just one. Will you join "Team Secrest" and buy your shirt today? You may contact me via phone, email or FB with your size and make checks payable to us. Orders will be in by the end of May.

We will accept donations for our yard sale the entire week AFTER Mother's Day. We are in need of MANY things for this HUGE event! Are you able to help out in any way? Please let me know as soon as possible. It would be such an encouragement to know we are not alone in this giant endeavor!:)

• Donated sale items
• Baked goods
• Helpers on Friday and Saturday

Everyone is so kind to ask how our process is going. It is disappointing to me when I have to say, "we are just waiting." But the sweet thing about my Good Father is that I know he is "perfect in all of his ways towards us..." towards me. I know there is a reason for this wait, and there is purpose in this waiting. It is never "just waiting." It is my JOB to lean into his heart and find out what exactly it is I am supposed to be doing during this wait.

Have you ever had to wait for something? How'd that work out for ya? I mean, did you do what I often do which is fret and stew and complain and worry yourself into a tither? Perhaps you tried to control it by taking matters into your hands and forging ahead. Or did you simply try not to think about it? "Self-medicate" the wait with more coffee, chocolate and crummy t.v. in hopes that you could simply slip into a comatose state till the wait was finally over?

I have been tempted to do all three in the past three months, but what God has been teaching me is that he doesn't want me to forge ahead where he is not. He certainly doesn't want me to worry or complain. And he doesn't want me asleep or even distracted during this wait. He wants me completely alert. Like medical scientists of long ago who would perform medical procedures, even on themselves, without anesthesia, he wants me to watch, and listen, and learn, and yes, to even feel the pain. There is much to be learned here.

God has been doing a work in my heart that is preparing me to love this little one who is coming from a "hard place." He has blessed me with beautiful coffee house conversations with new friends who have walked this road, and dinners with ladies who walk this day to day parenting struggle with me.

Last night was a night for just such a dinner with four of my dear Bible study sisters. As we wrestled with matters of the heart: ours and our children's, we were blessed. One of my girlfriends said, "It takes time to be patient," and it was if all of us heard the voice of God in that moment.

You see, culture influences our little Mommy hearts more than we could ever realize. Day in and day out we believe deep down inside that "just being a mom" is NOT ENOUGH, when the truth is, as we seek to busy ourselves with careers, or volunteer positions in our churches and schools and communities, we are wearing ourselves out to the point that we cannot be patient with our children, or loving towards our husbands, or manage the enormous tasks of our big and busy households.

Now hear this. I believe God calls women to work outside the home, and praise the Lord! I believe that he equips those that he calls. It can be done and done well!! I know some wonderful women who are doing it everyday and I admire them. BUT I AM NOT ONE OF THEM.  As a woman who has CHOSEN to stay home because I feel no stronger call on my life, God has been teaching me that to sit in his word and take a nap during the day so I can be KIND to my children and be fully and emotionally present to them is the BEST and most important thing I can do most days!

I am learning that while childbirth is indeed natural, parenting IS NOT!! Just as marriage is often a painful and messy process of merging two lives into one, parenting is the epitome of the Scripture that says, "Die daily to yourself, take up your cross and follow me." Never in all my life have I wanted to be more like Jesus than I have since I had my babies. As an old song goes, "Lord I want to be just like you, because they want to be just like me. I want to be a living example for their innocent eyes to see." Children, like our spouses, are full-length mirrors that reflect back to us all our sin and imperfection. And nothing in all of life sends us running faster to the throne of Grace.

A couple of years ago I came across a familiar verse that took on a whole new meaning for me. There are multiple interpretations to this verse, but God spoke directly to my heart concerning it. In this rather controversial passage concerning women, there's this little nugget, "But women will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety." 1 Timothy 2:!5 I am so glad I do not have to delve into the deep theological waters of this entire passage with you, because I would be completely ill-equipped, but what this verse said to me was that PARENTING...this thing called "mothering," was life-transforming, I have struggled with issues of anger, depression and anxiety throughout the seasons of my life, beginning in childhood. But God has used my CHILDREN to bring continued and most profound healing and freedom from these things. Not because said children were simply precious and spoke adorable Shirley Temple-esque platitudes over me, but because they brought everything ugly in me to the surface. Like pouring peroxide on a wound we much rather leave alone, they "painlessly" brought the puss to the surface so God could continue his work of healing.

So what does this have to do with our adoption wait? Well, all of this life is waiting. Paul so fittingly said in Romans 8:22-23,

 "For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. 24For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it." 

As in the pains of CHILDBIRTH...we wait eagerly for our ADOPTION...for the REDEMPTION of our bodies. We HOPE...and we PERSEVERE AS WE EAGERLY WAIT. wow! We cannot truly be people of the cross and not learn to wait. Because until Jesus comes back or calls us home, we only have the hope of glory. Though Jesus' work of redemption was finished on the cross, his work IN us will never be complete this side of heaven. We will always be waiting for something. Always growing. Always changing.

Two years ago a song came out that became my prayer for that year, "Lord please keep making me." 

                                                                  Watch it here

 I am a finisher. I like to see a project done and check it off my list. I don't always enjoy the journey, but God is teaching me that I can't just skip to the end, or I miss the best part of the story, and as much as I'd like to be, I am NOT the author. He is teaching me that all of life is about becoming more like him. You think you are JUST having kids...procreation is natural, right? People have been doing it from the beginning of time. But God says, "No, darlin', I am SANCTIFYING you." You think you are just changing jobs or moving to a new city, and God says, "No, ma'am. I am making you more like me." You think you are rescuing a child from China but God says, "I'm setting YOU free." You think you are simply waiting, but God says, "I am teaching you to trust me and I am growing your faith and your character while you wait."

So what are you waiting for? May I encourage you not to fret or complain? Do not try to control it, and for heaven sake don't busy yourself with the things of this world so as not to experience all that God has for you in this wait. When the pain of waiting gets the hardest, that is the time to be the most still. Get busy resting your heart on the big ole' chest of God the Father. Get in real close, so you can hear his heartbeat. And rest.

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still."
"Wait for the Lord. Be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord."

I will trust in you

This past summer our family launched on an adventure to Niagara Falls, Canada. It was a blast, and my first time even remotely outside of the good ole' USA. The strange thing about it was we had been planning for the last three years to go back to Disney.

All of a sudden, around February of last year, God stripped me of my desire to go to Disney. But why Niagara Falls? The truth is, after a difficult year, God had really been speaking to me through a Chris Tomlin song called, "Waterfall." The lyrics proclaim,

"Your love is like a waterfall, raining down on me.."

Waterfall by Chris Tomlin

I remember thinking, "I want to see the biggest, most powerful waterfall so I can really get what God's love is like for me." It is not just refreshing or cleansing, it is powerful!! I also remember saying many times, God must have some kind of plan for us getting our passports. We better be leaving the country again soon!!! That was in February. In May we felt the call to adopt from China, and in June, on the trip home from Canada, we surrendered to that call.

The day after coming home from Canada I was attending a prayer conference in town. On the way to the conference that morning I was just reeling. I was super excited and also a little terrified. I was going into this adoption process with my eyes wide-open to the difficulties that would lie ahead, the first of which would be to raise $36,000! And wouldn't you know a song came on the radio. I was hearing it for the first time and it became my theme song:

No such thing as impossible by Building 429

This past week my family and I took another "surprising" trip to Washington D.C. It was a fun way to not only immerse ourselves in American history, but also to expose the kids to a little bit of China while we were at it.
Below is the Friendship Arch given to the United States as a gift from Beijing in the 1980's. We hopped off the Metro on our way to the zoo just long enough to snap some shots of and with this beautiful piece of art.

 The main thing that really got us thinking about taking a spring break trip to D.C. was Mackenzie's love of Pandas that has developed this year! We often talked about getting pictures of the Pandas in China for her. We knew of the Pandas in the San Diego zoo but it was too far. One day it occurred to me that we not only wanted to go to D.C. before we had another little one in our family (and would have to push the trip several years off), but also because we were much closer to these pandas than California or China!!

 The first two days of our trip I received calls from our social worker letting us know there were a couple files we could review. It is always so exciting to get a call, but we knew right away that the special needs listed in these files were more than we felt we could handle. This past week was a wonderful time with my family, but in the quiet moments between falling asleep and before everyone else was awake, it was also a time of spiritual warfare for me. We are approaching 10 weeks of being logged in and have no idea when we might finally see our daughter's file. It could be in 2 days, it could be in two months. We just don't know.

So today God gave me another theme song, 
I will trust in you by Lauren Daigle

I do hope that you will listen to this song, because it is one that we always need to hear, but that I especially needed to release my soul into a sacrifice of praise today. This song reminds us that God's plans are good, that he is good, that he is always there and is always for us. So, as the chorus proclaims to God,

“When you don’t move the mountains I want you to move, when you don’t part the waters I want to walk right through, when you don’t give the answers as I cry out to you, I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you. ” 

We are waiting. We know nothing. We don't know when the files will come, when we will get a call, or when we will finally be matched. We don't know when we will travel. Everything is in limbo, and it is just as God would have it. This journey of adoption is an amplified version of my life journey in general. It is all about surrender. It is about giving up the illusion of control and resting in his hand. It's about letting him carry me, plan for me and fight for me. Jesus said, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." The Lord declared at the start of an Old Testament battle, "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still..." and the Warrior King and psalmist, David, continued, "Be still and know that he is God." Be still. Trust me.


I will trust in you...